![]() ![]() Research finds that pessimistic people get depressed more often, achieve less in school and work, and have worse physical health than optimistic people. Pessimism is a “theory of reality” that our children can learn from us, their teachers, or other significant adults in their lives. Seligman then notes that cynicism and pessimism go deeper than merely being urbane postures donned at parties, paired with the wearing of muted clothing. It involves accurately perceiving how much control we have over our lives while also taking responsibility when we’ve caused a problem. Seligman emphasizes that optimism is much more than being upbeat and facing each day with a smile. Our kids’ theories about success and failure will be the foundations of their later optimism or pessimism about the world. We parents can have some influence over these theories by carefully choosing how we talk to our kids about their struggles. ![]() Seligman writes that school-age children begin to develop theories about why they succeed and why they fail. I was looking for ways to help Annie maintain optimism during her bumpy process of learning to read. During this phase in Annie’s life I re-read prominent psychologist, Martin Seligman’s The Optimistic Child: A Proven Program to Safeguard Children Against Depression and Build Lifelong Resilience in which he summarizes the results of a decade of research on optimism in children. It’s so challenging to watch kids struggle. Annie adored these puzzles and they came more easily to her than reading. I also worked with her on math games, such as Perplexors. Since Annie was getting better at following the plots of chapter books when I read them aloud, we did this frequently during that period. Therefore, I couldn’t advise her to simply practice more, as I could with other skills she was truly capable of but simply hadn’t learned yet. ![]() ![]() It was as if her current level of brain development could only carry her so far. But as I’d seen particularly with her brother Daniel at this age, Annie’s reading ability had hit a plateau. Her reading was progressing slowly, even though she was putting in quite a bit of practice. I’m never going to be in their reading group,” Annie said dejectedly. “I just can’t read as well as Kate and Amy and Lisa, Mama. Then she proceeded to list the kids who were. A month into school Annie came home and sadly informed me that she wasn’t in the good reading group. Unlike her brothers who didn’t notice much going on around them during those early elementary years, Annie was aware of her situation. Like her brothers, the structures and synapses Annie’s brain needed in order to take off in reading were not fully developed in first grade. But physical prowess wasn’t what everyone was discussing in first grade, at least not in Annie’s circle. If you gave them a ball, bike, or a pair of sneakers, on the other hand, they knew just what to do. In Annie’s mind, real school kids could read and Annie couldn’t do this yet.Īll three of my kids were late bloomers when it came to academic skills such as reading and writing. After all those years of watching her big brothers attend full-day school, her time had finally come. My daughter Annie started first grade raring to go. ![]()
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